No Gravatar

Tried & Tested Cocktails, that taste great and will fuck u up!
Add a comment to this page with your recipe, and if it’s not complete shit, we will add it!


1 shot Hpnotiq (can use Alize Bleu since fuckers stopped importing it)
1 shot Paraiso (Lychee Liquer)
1/2 shot Belvedere (Orange Vodka)
1/2 shot Vanilla Vodka
1 shot Elderflower Cordial / Syrup
1 1/2 shots White Cranberry (but red will do…just looks weird)
1/2 fresh squeezed lime
Whack everything into a cocktail shaker with ice. Shake, strain, pour into martini glass and drink. A real leg-opener.

The Margarita

This is how to make a “real” Margarita – not the bullshit slushy stuff you sometimes get at crap Mexican restaurants. In fact I challenge you to return the next so-called slushy Margarita the drinks girl brings you, and ask it be swapped for a real one! If they don’t know how to make one, chances are you shouldn’t be eating there!

2 Parts Tequila  (good tequila is worth it the day after)
1 Part Triple Sec, Cointreau, or Gran Marnier
1 Part Fresh Squeezed Lime Juice
Ice Ice Baby
Wet rim of glass with a piece of lime, then dip into salt to give a salt rim.
Fill a cocktail shaker 2/3 full of ice, then add the alcohol and lime juice, shake, then strain into the prepared glass.

Serve with an extra wedge of lime.

Forget margarita mixes.  Anything less than fresh lime juice is not on.

For the record the IBA (International Bartenders Association) Official standard for the Margarita mix is:
7:4:3 = (50% tequila, 29% Triple Sec, 21% fresh lime juice)
So if you want it perfect – do that, yeah?

p.s.   after consuming large quantities of these, it is best to resist the impulse to operate machinery or swim long distances.

Cuba Libre

1/2 Fill a high ball glass with ice
Add 50ml (or a decent shot) of Havana Club Rum
Fill Glass with Coke (100ml)
Squeeze a 1/4 sliced lime into glass and then drop in
Use an 1/8 lime if they are big fuckers

According to Havana Club this is their take on the history:
“Along with the Mojito and the Daiquiri, the Cuba Libre shares the mystery of its exact origin. The only certainty is that this cocktail was first sipped in Cuba. The year? 1900. 1900 is generally said to be the year that cola first came to Cuba, introduced to the island by American troops. But “Cuba Libre!” was the battle cry of the Cuba Liberation Army during the war of independence that ended in 1878.”

The Mojito

This refreshing cocktail is the stuff of legends and movie icons from Ernest Hemmingway to Bond, James Bond. The drink was first popularised during the days of the U.S. prohibition when the rich and famous would journey to the party capital of the Caribbean, Havana, Cuba to get a decent drink.

An all time favourite of any well respected drinking establishment and a drink which can vary in serving glass, type of sugar, methodology and the use of crushed ice or cubed!

60ml Inner Circle Rum
3 spoons raw sugar
3 lime wedges
12 mint leaves
splash of soda (10ml)

Place the sugar, limes and mint leaves into the highball glass, using a muddler or small rolling pin and crush to a paste. Add the Inner Circle rum and a splash of soda, then fill the glass with crushed ice. Now, violently smash the ingredients in the glass with a long spoon. Refresh with crushed ice to present well and add a mint sprig to finish and aromatise the drink. Drink up…….

Vodka Tonic

With the splash of lime, the Vodka Tonic is an easy-to-make, refreshing sipper for really hot days. Where the Gin & Tonic relies on the flavour of gin to make the drink, this vodka version is very clean and almost flavorless except for the lime. This is where a good vodka comes into play: a value vodka will add nothing to the drink and it’s impurities will shine through. Also, try this out with any of your favourite flavoured vodkas.

30ml Good Quality Vodka* (Grey Goose works well)
Schweppes Indian Tonic Water (there is a diet version with fuck-all sugar if your worried about getting fat)
1/4 of a lime (or an 1/8 if they are big fuckers)
Ice Ice Baby

Add some ice to a low-ball glass or short tumbler, add the shot of vodka, fill with tonic water, squeeze lime into drink and drop the lime in. Garnish with another slice of lime if your concerned about presentation, if not just drink it. Traditionally the Vodka and Tonic is made in a high-ball glass, but that’s gay as.

*If you don’t have or can’t afford good quality vodka, vanilla vodka makes an OK substitute.


Bacardi, Coke and Fresh Lime

Nothing too exotic about this one, but it’s my drink of the moment. It tastes fuckin’ good like!

Get a low-ball glass, add a few ice cubes, then a shot (or a bit more) or Barcardi rum, top up with coke, squeeze a decent wedge of lime into the drink, and then add the wedge.

*note the picture uses a high-ball glass, but that will give you too much coke and not enough of the good stuff (aka gay).

Usually I add some funny shit / history about the drink, but I can’t be bothered this time. All you need to know is that Bacardi was founded by facundro Bacardi Masso born in Catalonia, (Spain) in 1814. He emigrated to Cuba in 1830, and today the business (still family owned) sells more than 200 million bottle per year.